Great Expectations

I've recently been trying hard to get back to being as laid-back as I used to be... well maybe not that laid-back, but within reason this time... taking time to "stop and smell the roses" if you will. I thought about this when I was on spring break in Cabo with about 20 girls from my sorority, which turned out to be the best spring break of college... much better than I thought it would be. You could say that before we left, I was being a little uptight and worrisome about what this "typical sorority spring break" could turn in to... but while parts of it did pan out that way, the majority of it was the complete opposite and better than I could have imagined. I shrugged my shoulders and surrendered to to mantra of letting loose and living it up because you only live once. While I may not have realized it at the time, in hindsight, it's apparent that I was completely relaxed and enjoying life to the fullest... in fact... I can tell the times in my life when this is true by looking back at the pictures of those certain events. When I feel this happy, I look the most photogenic because my smile is relaxed and not posed for the camera... radiating from the inside that makes your whole body look like it's smiling... it's immediately apparent in someone's eyes, their shoulders, their hands, their hips, their legs, and it's all coming from a light heart. Pictures from Cabo, pictures when I came back from North Carolina, pictures from Europe... those are the best pictures of me because it took no effort to look like I was enjoying myself. While it's difficult to stay that laid-back when you come back to classes and Design Studio, just thoughts of those times help unwind when I can't exactly take a break. This article was posted on IT, but I loved the fact that someone still thinks of things like this to write about and conduct an experiment on. Can you say what you would have done in that scenario? I really don't know how I would have reacted.

This is part of the reason why I have such high hopes for this summer. I watched the Masters last weekend, which I normally don't do because what person under 50 truly likes watching golf on tv? But this one was intriguing since it was such a neck-and-neck race for the win. Watching it really got me excited to play golf this summer, and maybe for once, make an attempt to get better. In high school, I didn't push myself as much as I should because I was solid in the #1 spot for East, and while we couldn't make it to State as a team, I knew I was a shoe-in to make it individually. It was no use trying to motivate the other girls in the top 5 because there was only one other girl who cared as much as I did, and there's nothing more disheartening than wasting time trying to motivate your team. I didn't have much to work towards because the more effort I put into golf, the less effort would be put into tennis in the spring and even with tennis, I was solid in the #1 doubles spot for 3 years, solid in the top 3 singles, but then again, there were just so few girls on the team that really cared like I did, which is so disheartening. I was trying to maintain a delicate balance of being "just good-enough" when now I feel like I could have worked harder at either one or both. I have natural talent for just about anything physical, and when you don't have to work for it, you succumb to mediocrity. My dad always told me that and I just never took it to heart, so maybe I can try to change that this summer and find a passion for something.

I guess that's really what this post is about... just finding a passion for something. Passion gives you tunnel-vision, which is a two-way street of course, but in this sense, it's a good thing. Being passionate about something gives you a will to live (no, I'm not being emo and saying I want to die) which in turn, I believe, allows you to enjoy life just a little more (which ties back to the first paragraph). My problem is that I could develop a passion for just about anything, the hard part is picking one. So I'm going to go with the flow and just pick one for this summer because I feel that once you find or develop a passion for one thing, you'll be much more open to submitting to one that you find truly pleases you. I'd compare it to developing a taste for wine. At first, you're pretty indifferent about wine and all reds taste the same and same for whites. You start with whites because they're the easiest to enjoy and you start to notice the butteriness of chardonnay and then you taste the fruit in a pinot grigio. You decide you're ready for reds and using what you know about differences in whites, you feel more prepared to learn and enjoy the reds. All of a sudden, you taste the berry in a pinot, then the oak in a cab and you're intrigued. Eventually, you may realize that what becomes your favorite wine not only reflects your tastes, but your life and/or what you want out of life. A full-bodied cab or a mellow merlow... little things and little steps that help you realize. It could take days or years for some people... but the point is that you eventually find it with a little motivation.

So long-story-short, this summer I'm going to try to foster a passion for golf... because it's a simple and logical first step to take for me. Then I'll see where that takes me. :)